Tuesday, June 29, 2010
I have an identical pair of Westies in camel with a wooden heel, 8M. I think I may have worn them twice, probably once, as the sole is lightly scuffed but the rest of the shoe is pristine. The instep of the left one appears dirty but it's not. It looks that way because I suck at taking color pictures.
Same deal as before. Leave a comment and MENTION you want the shoes. The contest is open until 6 pm Thursday.
Leave your email in the comments if you don't know how to enable it in your blog platform. If there's no email you can't be entered as I'm not going to chase you down on your blog. I'm lazy, remember?
Check back on Thursday after 6 for the winner. You have one week to claim your prize.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Which p.s. is one of the most ridiculous sayings in the English language. Aren't house and home the same thing? Or how about Niecy Nash saying "Hand over foot" on Clean House when the expression is "Hand over fist?" Or how about the ridiculous Butt Naked instead of the actual phrase, Buck Naked? I know, I know, shut up and deal.
And yes, I watch Clean House. Now you shut up and deal.
There were a total of 16 entries, out of 27 comments total, for the black and white Westies.
I listed them in the order in which they were left. Then I set up a randomizer and the lucky winner is number 9, Amberdawn! (Send me your snail mail; my email is in my profile. Also? I really want to call you Deltadawn and dear God in heaven I hope you're old enough to get that reference)
But there are 3 more Wednesdays of free shoes during which time the shipping and handling will probably wipe me out but don't worry your pretty little heads about that since I AM RICH. (Affirmation of the day)
And if you win a pair, you cannot enter again because I'm a big fat meanie.
I've always believed that the more you give, the better you feel. So if you're in a position to give, please do. Take those shoes and turn them into a thousand pairs of shoes. Start a school in Africa to teach deserving shoes that can't afford a decent education. Send those shoes to BP with a note: Kick your own fucking asses, morons.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Right before my ankle surgery I bought these shoes. I didn't know I needed the surgery or I wouldn't have bought them. They're black and white with a silver circle on the thicker strap.
They're made by Westies, size 8M and I have no idea why the picture below looks so weird.
I will have one of those randomizer things pick the winner (assuming there's more than 2 requests) but it's only fair to tell you I have no idea how that randomizer works or where to get one or why I even bother to get up in the morning.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Shows you how much they knew.
I often try to disguise my books as something else. This tall case houses my microphone collection. I'm a standup comic, maybe you were expecting porcelain figurines instead? But those microphones are really just there to hide my 109 books about comedy.
Here I've used an assortment of vintage cars to camouflage the books. But I only started buying the cars to hide the books. Yes, I know I have a problem.
I stash my books over, under and in everything.
I pretend I need books in the kitchen:
As many books as I have, I'm still amazed at some of my purchases. For example, this one: But then I came to this chapter and said, "Oh yeah, now I remember."
This one's a no-brainer:
Now I can recognize all the pills I pick up on the floors of my friends' homes. And from their medicine cabinets. And sometimes from going through their purses. Which reminds me, please stop taking all the pills in your prescription. You're making it that much harder on me. When someone writes a book about you, you really do have to buy it:
The 3 easy steps to living longer could be eating ice cream, robbing banks and laying on the couch only I'll never know because I've never even opened this one:
If you do want a good summer read pick up If You Knew Suzy by Wall Street Journalist Katherine Rosman. It's unputdownable which, if it's not a real word, should be.
Well, I'm off to take 25% off Dad's gift. Thanks for noticing he died 10 years ago, Internet.
And also? 76% off Summer domain sales!!
And 40% off the new Stephenie Meyer book. Well, maybe I won't do that last one.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
This tableau sits above those drawers and I forgot to take a picture of it because I forgot about them.
This reminds me of the months after my ankle surgery back in 2008. I didn't put on underwear because it wouldn't go over my huge cast. So I went commando for months. Then when I finally did go back to wearing thongs I forgot I had one on and peed through it.
And for those who are curious, I did not find the Titanic in any of my dives.
A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Trust me; I know.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Remember when I hated Twitter? Now I think Twitter is Jesus.
I've also been lured into Blog Frog. That's further down on my sidebar. It keeps track of the lying liars who say they don't have time to read me by putting their sorry-ass blog name and avatar on the widget.
I've lightened the load on my blog roll. I'm tired of contributing to other people's blog stats without having them contribute to mine. If you don't know about blog stats you're lucky. But I'm competitive and know about them so if you're off my sidebar it's because I'm off yours. Take THAT, Alexa!
Ever since Gary Coleman fell and then died from the brain hemorrhage resulting from that fall I keep remembering how lucky I am.
After my ankle surgery I fell three times on concrete and three times on my carpeted living room floor. My last fall, face down on a sidewalk, was violent. It's truly a miracle I didn't shatter my jaw, break my nose.
In the back of my mind I always wondered whether any of those falls had started a slow bleed that would only surface 5 minutes before I accepted my Oscar. I obsessed about that possible slow bleed all the time. Especially before I fell asleep because I can't find enough ways to keep the insomnia going. Because of that fall I had to have an MRI and ... there was nothing wrong with my brain.
I've always considered myself lucky. I don't have the career of my dreams, which is the only thing I ever really wanted in life, but still, I think I'm very lucky. I say it often. Especially after Gary Coleman died.
Another one of my mantras is *People always give me things for free.* I don't remember when it started but I'm guessing after someone gave me something for free? So I said it then and say it now and it always works. Unless I go shopping and then...no.
When I first moved to L.A. I rented a fully loaded Chrysler that Enterprise foisted on me for about a dollar a day. Having never driven around Los Angeles I had no idea what a nightmare the parking was. I had just discovered Louise Hay and the magic of affirmations so I repeated *I Always Find Parking* over and over as I navigated the city. I would look at the winding, teeny streets with bumper to bumper parking and repeat the mantra and amazingly, I always found parking.
I eventually went back to NY but years later moved back to Los Angeles. I had parking on my mind, and not the kind where you get lucky up on Mulholland smoking a joint and kissing a stranger.
I was fully engrossed in the affirmation movement by then so on the plane I muttered I always find parking so many times that the man next to me overheard and said, "Dear God, are you in charge of parking the plane?"
So this week's coveted Bite Me award goes to the Queen of The Widget Makers. Me.
Don't groan, I haven't won it since the beginning of April.
End of chat.
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
Friday, June 04, 2010
Lindy just had a birthday. No one in our family has ever made a big deal about birthdays.
"Yes, you were born. And now I have to hear about it once a year for the rest of your life? Because you were so unique that you were BORN?"
However, people on Twitter make a big deal about their birthday.
"My birthday is in 3 days!"
"2 days until my birthday!!!!"
"Today's my birthday!! I'm going to get my drink on!!!!"
"We're at (place you've never heard of in a city you'd never move to) and we'fe geting our drunk goin!!!"
"Oh my god I'm sooo drunkingly!!!!!!"
"I canrt spel an uno y? BECAUS IM DRUNK AN ITS NY NIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!"
So for all the freaks who have the importance of their birthday confused with the signing of the Declaration of Independence I have this to say:
The Declaration of Independence was signed, wasn't it? Maybe I'm thinking of the Bill of Rights.
I'm pretty sure I didn't do that well in American History. Except for the part about Pocahontas when they discussed what she was wearing. Where do you think bikers got fringe from?
THAT'S RIGHT, Pocafuckinghontas.
End of chat.
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
The sooner you send me your picture the earlier in the year you appear. Unlike my blog, this sidebar tee shirt thing has been popular. I'm booked through October.