Friday, December 24, 2010

The 12th Day Of Christmas

Santa Tracking dominates the news. How many 5 year olds are watching the news?

The North American Aerospace Defense Command, NORAD, an organization made up of the United States and Canada, tracks Santa Claus every year. I can understand why Canada is tracking Santa Claus; they have plenty of free time on their hands. But the United States? People are gunning for us all the time. Shouldn’t we be tracking where Kim Jong Il drops off his plutonium? Or in which cave Osama Bin Laden is reading back issues of How To Kill Americans Digest?

This was the quote of the week from NORAD “I hope Canadians and Americans are assured that NORAD is prepared to respond to threats as they present themselves and to deflect and deter those attacks before they occur.”

Dude, you're tracking Santa Claus, who doesn't exist. I’m not all that assured you’re prepared to deflect and deter attacks from giant killer tomatoes, much less suicide bombers.

This is the NORAD War Room. Thank God we're prepared in case that shifty Santa Claus sends in his Trojan Reindeers and attacks us.

If you want to track Santa with your kids, go here.

And now, the picture I picked as the winner of the 2007 12 Pets of Christmas Contest.
It was the most imaginative. And didn't really make sense. Yet made me laugh. You always get points for that.


  1. Do they call that hairstyle he's sporting a "snowhawk?'

  2. I just learned that this whole NORAD thing was due to a typo in a phone number in a Colorado Springs newspaper back in 1955 that had kids calling instead of the "Santa hotline" to talk to Santa (as "planned"), the phone number typo had them calling the Continental Aerospace Defense Command in Colorado Springs....the guys working that night played along all, "oh, Santa? He's flying over Norway!" and bam! The birth of NORAD. Tracking Santa.

    Useless information for a random, inappropriate monent. You're welcome.

    (your new BFF. aka booshy2. aka

  3. My previous comment was supposed to have more commas...and I probably meant to delete some words, too, but I think you get the gist.

  4. Fuck Santa and his cute little reindeer.


    The Grinch

  5. It's really clear that NORAD a military institution believes in Santa and WMD's.

  6. I think they meant we should contact SNORAD. Or perhaps they completely skipped over that particular claus in the contract with St.Nick.

    Sometimes I just sleigh myself.

  7. Santa doesn't exist? O.o

  8. I also think it's a bit ridiculous that we have phone apps that have a santa tracker - do we really have to start making our kids techno-addicts before age 5? Probably not.

    LOVE that photo. I don't get it, but I want to imagine there is a really funny story behind it.

  9. Should I worry that it makes sense to me? The picture, that is, not the Santa-tracking...

    The New Yorker once had a cartoon of a snowman holding a hairdryer up to his head and another snowman lunging for it, screaming, "No, Harold! No!"

    Snowman suicide - the hidden epidemic...

  10. This cracks me up because I actually work for the software company that developed the Santa Tracker software for NORAD ( We make software to track satellites and perform missile modeling, among other scary scary applications. Yeah - rocket scientists FTW!

    *I am NOT a rocket scientist. My head is not egg-shaped and I can actually hold a conversation that doesn't include a energetic discussion regarding orbit determination and a stilted back and forth about girl parts and how yucky they are. They all sit upstairs in the nerdery and I sit elsewhere in the building.

  11. That photo is awesome!!